Entitled husband chooses to waste his money on unnecessary things, demands his wife pays his half of the mortage they both split, and gets upset when she refuses: 'He called me selfish'

Author image for Giuliana Tiscioni
Giuliana Tiscioni • Writer
Sep 12, 2026 5:15 PM EDT

When it comes to the handling of money inside a marriage, both parties need to agree on big expenses so it doesn't cause strain or financial problems.

When two people choose to marry or move in together, they both need to make compromises to maintain harmony inside the house. Those compromises may entail many different things, but finances are definitely something to keep in mind and one really important issue to discuss beforehand. Couples choose to approach budgeting in different ways, but the most important part is that both are in agreement and stick to what they've decided for the sake of their wallets and of the relationship. 

The issues begin when one of those parties actively chooses to go over budget, provoking problems and/or showing that they don't care about their joint financial stability. It's even more problematic when they already have big fixed expenses, like paying rent or a mortgage. 

This couple went through an issue of this kind. They both split all their expenses 50/50, including utilities and mortgage. They both cover half of the mortgage every month, but this time, the husband was making some extra big expenses without talking about it with his wife. He bought a gaming console, a set of new golf clubs, and went away for a weekend with his buddies. He spent so much that he ran out of money to pay for his part of the mortgage and asked his wife to cover it. In other words, he expected her to pay for the entire mortgage by herself that month. Naturally, she refused. He was supposed to take care of half of the payments and be responsible for his own finances. He didn't, and now he feels annoyed because his wife doesn't want to take responsibility for his missteps. He claims that they're 'supposed to be a team'. Well, if they are a team, each of the members has to take care of their own responsibilities for the entire system to work smoothly. 

No matter whether you have joint finances or individual finances. One is always responsible for their own money and can't demand that others take care or our own mess-ups and reckless behavior. 

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  • My husband (34M) and I (32F) both work full-time. We split bills mortgage, utilities, 50/50
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  • Cheezburger Image 10663435008
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    Mortgage on the house. 

    Stock photography for depiction only.

  • groceries, everything. But lately, I've noticed he's been spending like crazy on things we never talked about.
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  • Last month, he bought a new gaming console ($500), a weekend golf trip with his buddies ($800), and a new set of golf clubs
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  • Titleist FORGE OFEX. FACE Cleveland 588 RTX Tulus
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    Golf clubs the husband bought. 

    Still frame for contextual reference only.

  • ($1,200). Meanwhile, I've been saving for a kitchen renovation we both agreed on. He came to me yesterday and said he's "short this
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  • month" and asked if I could cover his half of the mortgage — about $1,200. -
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  • I asked where his money went. He listed the golf stuff and said "I needed it, I've been stressed." I told him I'm not paying for his half.
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  • I'm not his safety net for things he bought without asking me. He called me "selfish" and said "we're supposed to be a team."
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  • I told him teams don't make unilateral $2,500 spending decisions and then expect the other player to cover the bills. He's been cold since. AITA?
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  • www.ELJDxpp.pozzARS 100 STATES TES OF AMERICA Dec LDD SHYFIOG BRACTIO DOB SEHAWLS ORNE 87787 NCHED STATES JY LL 34795266P 100 83 D CALLIED STEER OF 100 2043 00
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    Budgeting and taking care of money. 

    Image depicted solely for explanatory purposes.

  • Strict-Formal-2566 NTA but your mortgage needs to be paid.
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  • tidi24 If you pay anything establish this is a loan, not a gift. Have it in writing, even better.
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  • ihatefall NTA he needs to take responsibility............ but it sounds like your husband is likely going through or at the start of a mid-life crisis. Therapy is probably cheaper than what he has been doing.
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  • Treehousehunter My former husband and I didn't make purchases over $500 without discussing them first. But we also had combined finances and money was "ours" not his or mine.
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  • FlamingoSundries Is this his first foray into adulthood? Maybe mommy always picked up the slack for him. Time for him to learn some budgeting skills so he
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  • knows how much he has to pay for necessary stuff first, including a kitchen remodel, and then how much money he has for fun & games after.
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  • Yes, he should be putting money towards the kitchen too. He lives there, he eats there. Unless it's only your name on the house, he needs to partner there too.
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  • Imaginary-Cry4993 have you looked in to his debt( credit cards?) lock your credit down. Better safe now than sorry later. What about a postnuptial?
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  • Rancid Pickle74 NTA.. He's upset because of you denying to cover his bad choices. Fiscal responsibility in relationships is crucial.
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payments marriage finance reddit story marriage-drama relationships mortgage Reddit couple financial issues
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